The Set Up
We don’t have much room as in floor space so we use this giant coloring board for most of our spell work on our bed. In this reading, Phoning the Spirit Guide, I used my Wild Unknown deck. Had my Anakin action figure since he’s my Spirit Guide. Brought in Ahsoka because who else better keeps Anakin in check than Ahsoka. I lit a blue candle and laid out my cross and my Jedi symbol necklace.
Things to Notice
Cards 1-6 are Trump cards
Cards 7-8 are Swords
Cards 9-10 are pentacles
3 of my cards are felines
1. Representing the Spirit Guide: Justice: Anakin Skywalker you sonofabitch, you had to make yourself very clear to me. This is also one of the Cat cards that I drew for my reading. Decisions and Karma. I need to make a decision and must remember the karmic influence with my decision. When I did this reading, trying to reconnect to Anakin, I was feeling suicidal. I had been self-harming a lot and I wanted to hospitalize myself. Anakin was telling me to make the decision myself, I cannot wait for someone else to do it. Going is the only way I will bring Justice to those who had harmed me. Getting better is the best way to do it. Especially on those who check up on me and stalk me. If I’m doing well it will hurt them.
2. How are you (the Spirit Guide) helping me right now: The Magician, another one of the cat cards. Action. Self empowerment, purpose. Anakin is trying to give me a sense of purpose. Telling me I have purpose. I shouldn’t end my life at all. Get help. Do it now.
In my notes of this reading I wrote “he’s agreeing with me, he thinks I should die as well.” but I was wrong. That is not how he was helping me at all.
3. How Can I Help Myself as you Helped Me: The Fool. Innocence, naivety. This made it clear to myself that I wasn’t listening to Anakin at all. He knew it. I think this card was about allowing myself to listen to others. Let them help me. I don’t have to make ever decision. It’s okay to ask for help.
4. How Can I Honor You: The Star: Hope, peace of mind. When I originally took the reading I read it as him agreeing that I should die because in death I would have peace of mind, but I was reading the wrong part. Staying alive Hope would come my way. I need to have Hope. I can have Hope.
5. What weakness do I need to approve on: The Hanged Man: Sacrifice, letting go. New perspectives. I took this as to share my story, see it from other sides that I cannot see. Which, at face value I hate this. See it from Damien’s side? Anakin are you fucking kidding me? Why would I want to do that? But the more I think about it it’s more about hearing what my friends who don’t disrespect my trauma what they see me doing. How they see me achieving despite it. How they see my falling. And how I can fix it.
6. What are my Spiritual Gifts: Mystery. (another cat) Non-action, growth within. My original notes read: “My gift is mystery?Non-action? Don’t commit suicide. So continue to suffer?” But now I know, I hope, is that I am learning more about my gifts. At least I hope so to.
7. What is our Partnership Like in the Spirit World: Ten of Swords: Rock Bottom. We have been struggling a lot getting through to each other, I know that. I know I’ve been stubborn, but damn it Anakin, you’re the one who keeps running away from me.
8. What do I need to Be Aware of: 5 of Swords. SELF DESTRUCTION. Are you fucking kidding me? That’s literally the only notes I wrote as I did my reading. And I still can’t find a way around them to make them better. I guess I need to be aware of my self destructing tendencies but how much more can I be aware of them? I’m so aware that I document them. I guess this is telling me to continue to do that.
9. Advice About Spiritual Path: 9 of Pentacles. Health, Happy home. This sounds like “Have you tried Yoga” for witchcraft. But all I can see is that I’m trying to make my home happy and healthy. I really am.
10. Words for me: 3 of Pentacles. Teamwork, determination. Anakin, if you want to work with me then work with me. I am open and waiting. I mean, you did come back after I went back to the hospital and got my medications fixed.
But back on my past few entries, my emotions are in disarray once again. I self harm, I abused pills, but there are outside forces at work for those. I still don’t know. Anyone else want to decipher my reading?