Self Distruct in 1…2…3… Cutting diary 2/16/17

Cut monster into my thigh again. It’ll never heal. It’s bleeding and staining my sunflower pants. 

I took 8 Ativan. 

I hope to forget today…and tomorrow. 

I’ll sleep real well at least.

Fucking ______ texted Aunna saying she knew I blocked her. Means she was checking my social media. Checking up on me. That’s stalkery as fuck. It triggered me. It’s what they used to (and probably still) do. 

What did I ever do to her for her to treat me this way? Aunna blocked her too. She’ll blame me. It was Aunna’s idea. Aunna asked me to. So I did. But no I’m the manipulative monster in this relationship.

She doesn’t know me.

She doesn’t know that I’m dead. I’ve been dead. Many times. Just waiting for my body to catch up. 

I was feeling so good and now…I am not. I climed that fucking moutain and jumped the fuck off. Two beers with that ativan and my normal meds won’t fuck me up too bad will it? 

I’m sorry Aunna.

I guess I snapped.

I’m a bad mom. 


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