God Help Me.
Tw. Blood and cutting bellow.
I like to think Jesus rather I cut than smoke. I mean, according to the Bible I’m already devaluing my body with tattoos and piercings.
I cut to have control.
I think God knows it’s either this or I kill myself.
But God, wouldn’t it be better if I was with you and not suffering on Earth? People say suffering is optional but I would choose not to suffer which means I would choose not to be here anylonger. I choose death. Oh God, do I even believe in you? I feel like a fraud when I wear a cross. The childhood of brain washing and the teenagehood of pushing away from The Church. The Adulthood of choosing Jesus again. Without the Bible that calls me a heathen. Without the other Christians. Without the Rules. Evwn without you God. But God, if you even do listen to me, please let me die. I reject that killing myself is a sin. I reject that self harm is a sin. I reject your rules because I know better. I was so close almost that one time but I got scared.
I am ready now. Please accept me. Please. God Help Me. I’m begging.