Cutting Diary 2/25/17

I cut to have control. I cut to calm the manic mind.I cut so I can fall asleep. 

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Tarot Card Reading from 2-8-17: Phoning The Spirit Guide

The Set Up We don't have much room as in floor space so we use this giant coloring board for most of our spell work on our bed. In this reading, Phoning the Spirit Guide, I used my Wild Unknown deck. Had my Anakin action figure since he's my Spirit Guide. Brought in Ahsoka because … Continue reading Tarot Card Reading from 2-8-17: Phoning The Spirit Guide

Self Distruct in 1…2…3… Cutting diary 2/16/17

Cut monster into my thigh again. It'll never heal. It's bleeding and staining my sunflower pants.  I took 8 Ativan.  I hope to forget today...and tomorrow.  I'll sleep real well at least. Fucking ______ texted Aunna saying she knew I blocked her. Means she was checking my social media. Checking up on me. That's stalkery … Continue reading Self Distruct in 1…2…3… Cutting diary 2/16/17

And for the first time my right arm becomes useful…as I sin with it. I want to cut it off. But instead I thank God for all the wrong I do.¬†

God Help Me.  Tw. Blood and cutting bellow.  I like to think Jesus rather I cut than smoke. I mean, according to the Bible I'm already devaluing my body with tattoos and piercings. I cut to have control.  I think God knows it's either this or I kill myself.  But God, wouldn't it be better … Continue reading And for the first time my right arm becomes useful…as I sin with it. I want to cut it off. But instead I thank God for all the wrong I do.¬†

Why Did I Turn To You?: An exploration of my recent dreams and past relationship

My dreams have been weird lately. Not the usual violent re-imaginings of what he did or strange dreams that I forget once I opened my eyes. But these dreams these past few days I remember well into the day and hold onto because I want to know what they mean. They start in my old … Continue reading Why Did I Turn To You?: An exploration of my recent dreams and past relationship