Cutting Diary 12/11/16

“I am clearly broken and no one knows what to do
Pieces of the puzzle don’t fit, so I pound them into you” -Get Up!, Korn

These cutting diaries are getting too close together. But I need to do this so I see it documented so when I say I’ve gone so many months without harming I could have an exact date.
I hurt myself today over the dumbest thing. I didn’t hurt myself much. Just four little cuts above my knee on my right leg.

But Aunna had a nightmare. In her nightmare we found out that I would never get better so they offered me assisted suicide. And I took it. She said she held me the whole time as I died. And then she walked through our house (but wasn’t our current home) crying, with all the memories of me through out the house. She woke up crying and I tried comforting but all I could say was sorry. That some how it was my fault she had this dream. Which it is.

I’m the one who’s tried killing myself several times. The one who hurts myself constantly. If I was offered to die, I would take it.

It would break Aunna’s heart, but I would still do it.

I’m a selfish person. I see clearly what my sickness does to people and I don’t get better. I don’t try hard enough to get better.

I want to die.

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